Chapter 5 – Control

Roshaun’s door swung open as Jalia burst into the room.

“Get up!” she said.

“Go away,” Roshaun rolled away from her and covered his face with the blankets he was under.

“No!” she said and pulled the sheets off, “You’ve been in here for three days. You barely eat, and from the looks of it barely sleep. This needs to stop; you’re going to kill yourself at this rate!”

“Good!” Roshaun snapped, “maybe that will make up for the life I took!”

“Don’t be such a child!” Jalia growled in frustration, “You were defending yourself. That man was going to kill you, and he deserved to die for that.”

“We don’t know that, what if he was possessed or something worse?”

“Possessed?” Jalia’s brow was arched incredulously, “What if he was just a madman?”

“He still didn’t deserve to die.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you while you’re wallowing in self-pity,” Jalia rolled her eyes.

“Then leave,” Roshaun replied, “it’s not like I asked you to come in here and lecture me.”

“L-lecture?!” Jalia stamped her foot, “You want a lecture, how’s this? You weren’t the only person to kill the other night. If you hadn’t killed that man you would be dead. There will be more times in the future when you will have to kill again. While I’m not saying you should enjoy killing you best get rid of the fantasy that you can avoid it!”

“All right, that’s enough,” Chrono entered the room, “Jalia, Sharon needs help in our room. She can’t seem to pick out what to wear today, but was able to decide that I was of no use and sent me to find you.”

“Fine,” Jalia sighed, “I can’t get through this idiot anyway.” She turned on her heel and briskly left.

“Come on, lad,” Chrono said as he sat in a chair next to Roshaun’s bed, “You can’t stay in here forever you know.”

“I can try,” Roshaun replied stubbornly.

“Did you honestly think that a day like that would never come? What did you think we were training you for?”

“I knew it was bound to come,” Roshaun admitted with resignation, “I just never thought it would come so soon. I wasn’t ready.”

“We’re never ready,” Chrono said, “But we can’t let it control our lives either.”

“I know…” Roshaun said, “I just hate it. I don’t want to kill.”

“Then don’t,” replied Chrono, “just be sure that you are ready to deal with the consequences of your choices. I kill only when I must, and do so to protect my family and my people.”

“You don’t ever regret it?”

“What’s the point? The past is the past. Let it alone, accept it, and learn from it, but don’t get stuck in it.”

“That’s so callous!”

“Perhaps,” Chrono mused, “but it’s the way I live my life. Now come on, there is still more to do and learn. Your training isn’t over yet.”

“Perhaps getting outside would be good,” Roshaun begrudgingly sat up. His stomach growled loudly and Chrono loosed a laugh so infectious that Roshaun could not help but smile along.

“Let’s get you some food first shall we?” Chrono said slapping Roshaun on the back.

“Good idea,” Roshaun staggered under the force of the blow.


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